Satire - Ron Paul Supporters Want to Raise Money for F-16s

(Onion spoof.)

Have you heard of Ron Paul? His campaign has garnered many supporters from across America.

"This whole thing has taken off far more than anyone ever could have imagined," says Michael Michwalski. "Ron Paul's message was first heard by someone in Ukraine, who then email spammed it to the rest of us. Once I opened his email, I knew I could never get his message off my computer. Within days, money in my bank accounts were going to Ron Paul's campaign."

Most claim that Ron Paul's popularity is due to the internet. "I heard of him while browsing my favorite website - Bushisanalienlizard.com. They had an advertisement for his campaign there. I went to his site and everything finally made sense to me. I'm voting for the guy who isn't a lizard," says Bernie Benson.

Despite his fame on the internet, very few have heard of Ron Paul. CNN and Fox News were asked about Ron Paul's campaign and replied, "Who's Ron Paul?" Currently, "Other" is winning over many other candidates in their polls.

One of Paul's ideas is that a superhighway will be built across America, uniting Canada, the U.S., and Mexico. Government officials stated, "There is no conspiracy about a super highway. I think we've made it pretty clear that we are going to build a really, really big highway, but a conspiracy about a superhighway? That's lunacy."

"We'd like to return to how the government was in the 1850s. That was truly the golden age," says Ron Paul's campaign manager David Jensen. "We'd like to get rid of all health care, civil service, income taxes, and military."

Ron Paul supporters have raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for blimps to fly over America. "We wanted to spread knowledge of Ron Paul. We broke many laws raising the money, but we spread the message, and that's what's important," says David Jensen. "We would like to arm them with nuclear weapons since we believe the people should be able to stand up against big government. We also want to spread Paul's message faster so we're trying to raise money for F-16s."

"We're also petitioning the Pope to give him 'Saint' status," says a local meetup group coordinator. "We truly believe if he wins, it will be the Second Coming."